Scene:
4th of July. Headed back from a typical family oriented cooking event. Good conversation. Good company. Enjoying the fireworks as we ride back to the lighter side of the DC area*. We’re almost there. Traffic has been flowing pretty smoothly and then all of sudden… brake lights. Continue reading ‘WTF?! Of The Week’
That’s how I feel about the new gig. Granted, I am glad to be working again. It lets me know that I am “blessed and highly favored” as the church folks say. But honestly, I miss being able to spend copious amounts of time communicating and exacerbating with my fellow sapiens.
I can look but I can’t touch. And I so like to touch. I can’t even have sidebars with my peeps about the blogs we frequent together. My IM-ing has been cut to a minimum. I can’t even get home* in time to get at a topic while it’s still hot. Not even somewhat lukewarm.
Short story: I miss fucking off.
Maybe it’s ’cause I haven’t gotten that first paycheck? Money is a great motivator.
Maybe it’s because I’m actually engaged in productivity. Maybe it’s because I can’t really have the same kind of conversations with my new office roommate** that I have with my blog buddies (shout out to VSB).
Or it might be the increasingly dangerous amount of geek I’ve been exposed to in the last month.
Whatever it is, alls I know is I’m not getting to do what I want to do (nothing) when I want to do it (all the time) and still get paid.
Let me stop complaining before they hear me. They’re the government. They hear everything.
* I’m homeless.
** He’s a bit of a douche but he’s okay.
“…Oh my god!”
So Boston won the championship and the East reigns supreme once again. Things are as they should be.
We know our posts have been sporadic.* We’ve been busy associating with geeks of awesome girth** and obtaining gainful employment. We are victorious on both fronts.
Translation: We don’t have time to formulate complete thoughts because we just got a new job and we don’t want to lose it because we felt the need to share our finite wisdom with whoever would read it. That and we spend a great deal of our free time fucking.
Hopefully, we will regain full control of our mental faculties soon…
*We wrote this over a week ago.
**All claims of chubby chasing are currently being denied.
No eloquent and witty intro today. Let’s get straight to the meat and potatoes…
Is kissing after head kosher?
Continue reading ‘I Just Want Your Extra Time And Your………Kiss!’
51. No man shall watch, support, or like Will & Grace, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, Soap Operas, Lifetime movies, HGTV programs, Oxygen Programs, romantic novels, ice skating, men’s gymnastics or Oprah
I bet there are guys who’ve seen all of those.
you aren’t supposed to admit being a regular viewer or you had to see the show under duress (i.e. some female had you watching it or you lost your remote)
so only watch it in secret?
you’re not supposed to want to watch it
52. L.O.Y.D - Lying On Your Dick at anytime is absolutely unacceptable will result in a deduction of 3 women off of your depth chart and an automatic removal from being allowed to vote on any Man Laws until you have redeemed yourself via an “Action of Honor”
I know dudes in the negative.
53. Begging to eat a female out will result in automatic removal from being allowed to vote on any Man Laws until you have redeemed yourself via an “Action of Honor”
How can something that feeds my already obese ego be a bad thing?
Have you ever begged to suck a dick?
I will if you want me to…
54. A man should never back down from a challenge from another man. It’s your obligation to uphold the honor of your crew, team, inner circle, etc
What if he challenges you to a one gun duel?
You ever seen a western?
Yes, but there are usually two guns.
thats what makes it a duel. Just one gun just makes it murder
I was just trying to think of a challenge that it would be acceptable to back out of… Like being dared to wear women’s underwear for a week…
thats not a challenge of manhood. why would a man dare another man to do that?
I couldn’t tell you. The law doesn’t state it has to be a challenge of manhood. Just a challenge.
Its always about manhood
55. Men should not bitch, whine, complain, or nag like a female
Women should not bitch, whine, complain or nag like a female.
This is Man Law…It has already been stated that women have no code.
Touché. I was just throwing it out there.
56. Any time spent with a female you are talking too, whether it’s just sitting at the house chilling or out spending money on her is considered CAKING! Although there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Caking and its encouraged as long as the chick deserves it, it’s still all good to make fun of your homies for CAKING. PLEASE SEE MAN LAW 57 & 58 FOR ACCEPTED AND UNACCEPTED CAKING LIST
* Caking of the 1st degree: spending time
* Caking of the 2nd degree: spending money
* Caking of the 3rd degree: spending lots of time and lots of money
Baked goods* are only to be given as gifts those who deserve them. BTW: You can always get the cookies.
57. ACCEPTED CAKING LIST
* She’s your wife or your main girl
* She’s only seeing you
* She’s has or is willing to spend money on you or do special things for you
* She’s only fuckin you
58. UNACCEPTED CAKING LIST
* She’s another man’s wife or main girl
* She get’s caked by other men and she’s not fuckin you
* She’s no higher than #3 in your stable She’s fuckin somebody else
* She’s disrespectful
* She acts like you’re obligated to spend money on her
* She’s unappreciative
* She’s fucked one of your boys before
* She’s a ho
So when you pay a ho, that’s not caking?
no that’s a buisness transaction…like getting gas or buying a spicy chicken sandwich
Damn.
59. Never should a man try holla at one of his boy’s ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or ex #1 who he was serious about. Only other females on the squad that never reached higher than the #2 spot in the stable are fair game
So you can holla at the chick he was cheating on his girl with for the last 5 years?
only if she isn’t regarded as his main
What if she was his main girl that he was cheating with? These do exist… don’t they?
thats what I was getting at
Gotcha.
60. If a female never reached the #1 spot in your stable then she’s fair game. It is unmanly to act emotional, irrational, overly sensitive, or jealous if she starts messin with another man
In other words, don’t piss on something you don’t own…
what? you aint makin sense
If she’s not #1, she’s not really yours..
if she isn’t #1 she is up for grabs. She is yours till she isn’t
Your wisdom is infinite.
So this one time, after months of watching those commercials and humming “This Will Be…”, I went to e-Harmony for my “free” compatibility profile. (Just for fun… Yeah, fun.. right) It was the longest survey I have ever taken mostly because its a bunch of radio buttons measuring whether you are very ambitious or not at all a good listener. It took me like 15 minutes. If you’re feeling bored later, try it (as if you haven’t already).
The uncanny thing was Continue reading ‘In Perfect Harmony (I’d like to buy the world a Coke)…’
Today I made a profound discovery…
(The last profound discovery I made was my belly button.)
when it rains it doesn’t pour but its actually a kind of free fall motion Continue reading ‘Deep Insight’
“Are you in love?”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Are you in lust?”
“Definitely.”
“Just be smart about it. Lust doesn’t last.”
“You’re killing my dream.”
Da Shinin was and still is the only album I actually Continue reading ‘A Lesson In Randomness Part 3′
That’s an accurate description of how you make me feel. Seriously. I’m amazed. You’re just so Continue reading ‘Like WOW!’
Deviant