What’s Good For the Goose…

We’ve all heard* that age old saying: “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”

Well, maybe not all of us. I heard it from my grandparents and older relatives but for some of you younger folks who’s grandparents are still in their 30s aren’t really old, this may be your first time. But the sentiment is basically if it works for you it should work for me, in other words their shouldn’t be any double standards.

Unfortunately, as humans, we have a tendency to self-serving more than we have to be fair. Hence, you may have heard “Do as I say and not as I do”, “Life isn’t fair” and other such adages that provide the user with a self-appointed sense of righteousness and exclusion from the rules. Sometimes, as in the case with a parent-child relationship, it will fall under the guise of protection. Sometimes it falls under the guise of what behavior is appropriate for your assigned gender role, as in a sexual/intimate relationship*.

What they’re really saying is “I can do it but you can’t. Because when I do it I’m alright with it, but when you do it, it makes me uncomfortable. I could lead by example but then I would have to stop doing it and I don’t want to. So, I’d rather just tell you not to do it and by using this catchy little phrase, I’m exonerate myself from any wrongdoing and disavow any effect my behavior may have on you because I told you not to do it. Therefore I cannot be labeled a hypocrite. Got it? Good.”

So why can’t we just be honest and say what we really mean? Maybe because we don’t want to live with the consequences. Maybe because unlike the Different World theme song, we can dish it but we can’t take it.

* I didn’t want to leave my GLT readers out of the loop as I just assume they encounter these issues just as much as their hetero counterparts.

“But the Words Got In the Way”…

We don’t have to ask. We know you missed us.

Funny how everyday life eventually becomes the thing that prevents us from living sometimes… But worry no more, we are here for you. And there’s enough of our awesomeness for everyone.

Now on to the good stuff!

Have you seen this movie?

This movie, that’s really not a movie more of a “See! This is what men have to put up with” documentary centered around a very extreme example of a woman who seemed to lack the ability to think rationally poor “chick logic”. It might have had a purpose but other than men just being tired of being the bad guy, I couldn’t tell you what it was. It didn’t serve to really solve a problem as much as it just let you know that the problem wasn’t the man’s fault.

In one scene, the chick in question goes on a ridiculous tirade which begins with her finding her husband’s underwear on the bathroom floor and ends with her taunting him into physically attacking her.

What. The. Fuck?

I don’t know that chick. And I know some crazy broads. But none of them are THAT crazy. However, it occurred to me that this “movie” is from the MAN’s P.O.V. and is therefore bound to be just a teensy weensy bit biased. But the reality is men think pretty much ALL women are crazy… Crazy, irrational, savage beasts who need to be dealt with carefully or tamed or hunted like prey and then stuffed like prizes on their mantles. That’s why they try to avoid confrontation as much as possible and agitation by repeatedly asking you to “calm down”. If you were in mauling range of a wild animal, you try to pacify it as best you could too!

But this “movie”… This movie… was terrible. Even more terrible was the fact that so men identified with it and so many women co-signed and claimed to “get it now”. As if somehow, listening to mid-size groups of men in barbershops and in front of comedy clubs, they’ve realized the error of their ways. Umm… No. That’s like saying men learn how to be better men from reading Terry McMillan novels. It ain’t gonna happen. Instead of co-signing, more people need to call bullshit on both ends, stop exaggerating and, instead of making sorry ass movies like this one, have more meaningful discussions with each other.

How you ask? I don’t know. Throw a motherfuckin’ dinner party or something. Get an ounce and smoke out your closest friends. You know, depending on your particular sensibilities.

Whatever you do, don’t watch any more bootleg, straight to DVD, independently released, barbershop distributed*, relationship themed “movies” looking for the answers to your relationship problems.

*This includes your local Wal-Mart as well.

The D.L. (No Hughley)

Some of the comments on this post have saddened me greatly. It just goes to show how easily swayed people are by propaganda.

The “DL” book and “Invisible Life” before it are not the issue. The “DL” is not a new fad. It’s a remnant of a time when speaking about any untraditional lifestyle was met with opposition and hatred. People have been “passing”* for centuries.

The issue is how we allow these things to control our thinking. If that were the case why not think every man is a serial killer/rapist/con artist/pedophile/transvestite/polygamist/STD infested/etc. The possibilities are endless.

I will say that regarding today’s comments some of us need to work on not being so stereotypical. A look or sound or gesture** does not a homosexual make.

I would also like to point out that the conversation is completely onesided. Besides the perception that most men would be pleasantly surprised to find out they’re chick is a member of the “yaya sisterhood”… What about finding out your dude is really a chick? Or your chick is really a dude? It happens. See Springer circa 97.

I think the big picture here is the betrayal and there is really no prevention for that. Of course it’s scary to think that someone you trust would repeatedly put you in danger but all you can do is make sure that your candidate is well vetted before you put them in orifice.

 
*And that could mean anything from sexual orientation to race.
** Unless that gesture is a wo/man putting a kitty/dyck in her/his mouth.

Having It My Way?

Recently (and by recently, I mean a few hours ago), I stopped at a Burger King and ordered the new ‘Shroom & Swiss. Now I usually don’t do fast food. And when I do, Burger King is not high on my list. But for whatever reason, certain people within my monkeysphere continually challenge my palate by requesting we eat there. So in an attempt to appease the masses…*, I gave in.

Before we get to the visuals, let me warn you, it’s not pretty. First, can you say burnt? Not grilled, not lightly charred, burnt. As in I can smell the carbon as I type. Secondly, since when is swiss cheese yellow? Instead of reliving the gory details. I’m gonna show you what BK says and what I got and let you decide.

 

From BK:

 

This is what Burger King advertises. Looks pretty good, huh?

 

Now this is what it actually looks like:

 

Check the crispiness of the edge of the burger. That goes all the way around.

 

Ok, besides the obvious lack of fullness, understand that it’s not the lighting, the actual burger is really that dark. Did I also mention that it lacked the aforementioned crispy onions?

 

Prepare yourself. 

 

Even the friend who was with me when I bought it and opened up said. “Ugh. What is that?!” when they saw this pic.

 

This is definitely not having it my way.

 

Moral of the story: Burger King sucks ass.**

 

* … of atoms that comprise my steel-bellied companion.

** And then apparently spits it out and serves it on a bun.

By a Landslide…

Hope should never be underestimated.

Wow. Our country just evolved a little. Somewhere, someone challenged themselves to take a chance and try something different.

Tonight is the Night…

Will Barack make America a woman?

Or will Creepy Uncle John finally cop a feel?*

Didn’t We Almost Have It All…

Maybe, but “almost” doesn’t count.

Pre-Bobby, Whitney was that one. Now? Not so much.

But that’s not why I’m here today. Today, I’m here to divert my negative energy into a positive medium. I was going to do something really… umm… well, dammit… devious… for lack of a less obvious word. I was going to give into my paranoia and blatant distrust of all things human desires and commit the perfect crime. But my conscience* got the better of me.

I have come to the conclusion that the reason “I trust you. I just don’t trust her.” has been uttered so frequently by women who suspect some broad may have designs on their man is because men don’t want to hurt the feelings of some broad they once had feelings for.

Confused yet? Allow me** to explain.

“Fuck You” and Farewell – Debate Coverage Pt. 3

Tonight is the night… that you, make me a woman.

It’s the last debate. Well, at least for the next four years. Or two years, depending on how hard your state and local representatives put on for their city campaign.

So get ready, because tonight will be full of guaranteed entertainment.*

Attention/0 = Error!

Undivided attention.

Do I have yours right now? Or are you reading this while “working”? Watching TV? Holding a conversation*? Can we ever really have anyone’s undivided attention? A better question is would we really want it?

WTF?! of the Week #5: May the Lord Watch Over Ohio

You know, with all the election fire fodder that’s out there. I wasn’t really planning on tackling anything but the debates but today I got home from work early and happened to hit up one of my hot spots, BlindIForThe Kids, where I saw the video posted below.