I’m NOT a Lesbian… I Just Watch Them On TV…

My name is [my name]* and I am a deviant.

Today’s conversation is about sex. Are you even a little surprised?

I really do watch lesbians** on TV. And before the offers start flooding in, let me say this, I am not now nor have I ever “been with” a girl. I’ll admit that I have thought about it, briefly, but only in a “just to say I did it” and not a “I’m really into girls” sort of way.

I mean it looks like they’re having the most intimate, gentle, soft sex imaginable. They know exactly what to do and when to do it. It’s looks like something I’d enjoy if it weren’t for one thing… At some point, I’d want some sausage. I’d have to have dick and I don’t care how good a chick is with her fingers. It’s not a dick. I don’t care if she’s got the latest and greatest, lifelike, “all that’s missing is a pulse” dildo… It’s not a dick.

I like dick. And before more other offers come flooding in, I’ll have you know that I am very happy with my current service provider and have no interest in changing. Sorry, ladies and gents, the position has been filled. Quite literally.

But if you’re wondering why I even bother to watch lesbians on TV if I’m not just a little bit turned on, the answer is this:

I’ll watch any form of sexual activity that’s, well, deviant.*** Girl-girl, Threesomes, fetish, bondage, whatever. I think it’s more curiosity than anything. Like “I can’t believe people actually do that” curiosity. The kinkier the more glued I am to the TV. I rarely ever watch people just straight fucking. I figure “why waste time watching someone else do something I could be doing myself?”. 

Speaking of doing it yourself, I have to say that I think I’ve actually come without even touching myself. I didn’t know it could be done. I guess if you think about something long enough and hard enough, anything can happen.

But like my hair, I only do it myself when I have to. I really don’t like to masturbate. I mean it feels good and all but I’d rather be fucking.****

* If you didn’t get that, I demand you leave this site immediately. There is nothing for you here.

** Lesbians means real lesbians/bisexuals and not porn stars who fake it. And yes you can tell the difference.

*** Within reason. Certain bodily fluids are the very antithesis of sexy to me.

**** I wonder if they have t-shirts that say that?  

Speaking of fucking, I ran across this today as I was checking the blog stats and Make Me a Sandwich had it saved as a favorite. You can read it for yourself. I thought it was interesting and I agreed with some of it. Although, she had some things on there that weren’t in line with my personal preferences like calling jizz “vile tasting”. Vile is a strong word. It’s too closely related to another word, which coincidentally leaves a bad taste in my mouth.


~ by Deviant on April 18, 2008.

One Response to “I’m NOT a Lesbian… I Just Watch Them On TV…”

  1. If they don’t already have a shirt out there like that, I think I’m going to have to design it.

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