Lament of Deviance

I was in an office building today and I saw some whiny ass kid, about seven I guess, with his moms. He was bitching cause wherever they were going he didn’t want to have anything to do with it.* I thought to myself if that was me and I was throwing a fit with my mom in the public she would give me a look that would make me think she was possessed by demons.** This woman did nothing. She was trying to reason with a badass seven year old. This had to be the stupidest woman alive. You cannot reason with a ignorant child. I did her a favor. I shot a rubber band at the kids head as hard and fast as I could. He shut what is called the fuck up. I guess the stinging pain on his temple made him rethink his stance on assholery. No one saw where it came from cause I’m a skilled rubber band marksman. My dad taught me the method when I was a child and I pass it on to any young hooligan that will listen. It was funny as hell to me. His mom thought something was wrong with him cause he was quiet. I was glad (and I’m sure others were) that the brat finally was silent. I am a hero amongst men.

Why do people dress like they are in the Tour de France when they ride bikes around this city? When I was little the kid that wore a helmet on the bike was the kid that wore the helmet indoors as well. If you are grown and you still cannot stay on a bike sufficently enough to ride a bike without busting your skull maybe you should get your skull busted. Let natural sleection take its course don’t fight it.

I like pussy.

Some people think I am crazy. Fuck them.

I feel more comfortable in a house party full of Avon’s and Marlo’s than I do at a NSBE Convention. Is that a bad thing? I went to the college and all that and now I spend my days fraternizing with engineers and architects about such subjects as plenum height, detail sheets and Revit but I cannot spend my time outside of the office with them. I’m no thug nor do I have aspirations to be one (I don’t like how bullets feel) but I don’t want to be mistaken for an EBP-type cat either. Where are the people like me that sit in between those extremes? I don’t like Tyler Perry but I’m listening to Project Pat right now. I tuck my shirt in cause the office demands it. If I could get away with a Brian Skinner beard I’d do that too. I hate wine. I love Jack.  I loathe this but I like this. Idiocracy is one of top ten favorite movies but most people I know have never heard of it. Most people suck ass.

*Why wasn’t the lil bastard in school? What is it with parents taking their mini assholes out of school for no apparent reason? Thats why kids today are stupid.

**My mom never beat me in public. Her one rule when I was out with her was not to embarrass her and her kicking my ass in public is a violation of that rule. She would just look at me like Jason looks at the girl that just tripped in the woods. That meant I was getting my ass kicked at some point after our arrival at home. Maybe twice if my Dad was in the mood for a beating.***

***My parents didn’t arbitrarily beat me. I was a sneaky bastard. I would’ve kicked my ass too for some of the stuff I did (or was caught doing..I got away with a lot of shit).


~ by Deviant on April 22, 2008.

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