Caution, Dead End & Other Signs That You’re Headed for Trouble

Is your relationship headed this way?

Selfishness

This seems really, extra obvious but this may be the hardest sign to read. Usually because it’s you who thinks you’re being selfish towards them. But the truth is…

Truly selfish people never realize they’re selfish. They’re not thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves. Even when they are thinking about you it’s in relation to what they want/need from you or how what you say/do affects them.

It usually starts with little things that you tell yourself just comes with dealing with other people. You may even try to rationalize your nagging inner voice by saying things like “It’s not always about me.”

What to look for:

  • They cling to their stuff like a two year old. “Stuff” could be anything; food, clothing, the remote control… even you!
  • They very rarely want to compromise on activities. They want to watch what they want to watch on TV. They want to eat at their favorite restaurant. They want to fuck when they want to fuck even if you’re not in the mood.
  • They never offer to share. They come thru with food for themselves because it didn’t dawn on them to call you and ask if you wanted anything. They eat in your face without a single “You want some?”.
  • They eat/use the last of everything.
  • They use guilt as a means to get their way. Selfish people are masters at manipulation. Your feelings, wants and desires are of little importance.


“Don’t Touch Me!”

Physical affection is a huge part of a relationship. Two people who don’t mesh well physically as well as mentally won’t make it very far. If there are things you want to do, or have done to you, that the other person is unreasonable about, you need to check that shit at the door. If they think certain things that you like are nasty or immoral, you need to say “thank, but no thanks” right then and there. If they continually do things that you don’t like because it feels good to them… Beware!

What to look for:

  • The two of you can’t have an adult conversation about sex. Being a prude is bad enough but being a child about it is worse. If you can’t say it, you shouldn’t be “doing it”.
  • You/they make faces* when performing certain sexual acts. Sex should be enjoyed by all parties involved if someone’s not enjoying it , no one’s really enjoying it.
  • Sex feels obligatory. You should never feel like you have to have sex in a relationship. See the part about enjoyment above.
  • Sex is rushed. If they always want you to hurry up and come, or you’re always trying to get them off quick, fast, and in a hurry, some thing is wrong.
  • They resist the suggestion to try anything new. Unless vanilla is your flavor, this could be a problem.


You Got Me Going in Circles…

Are you having the same argument over and over? Usually this happens when you and your [whatever you call them] come to a head on an unresolved issue that you just can’t get past. You may have an argument, come to some type of agreement and make up… But sooner or later, that same issue comes up again, and again, and again… Why? Because it was never really taken care of in the first place. This usually happens because we can’t admit that although we want this person, they may not be right for us.

Are you constantly defending your relationship to everyone including yourself? If you seriously start to think, “I can do better”, and not in a shallow way but in a “my needs have changed and/or are no longer being met” kind of way… If the words, “I don’t know why I put up with this shit…” come out of your mouth very frequently, you may need to have a serious “Come to Jesus, Moses and Allah**” meeting with yourself and find out what the answer is… And none of that “because I love him/her” bullshit either.

Other Warning Signs:

  • They envy you. This might start out as them making seemingly innocent little jokes when you receive compliments and turn into full on jealousy.
  • They “go against the family”. Anyone who will speak ill of/towards your family has little respect for them and therefore you. This also applies if they speak ill of/towards their family. This person obviously has no loyalties and should not be trusted.
  • They have no sense of community. People who refuse to help friends or family members in need, (whether it be money or someone to “talk” to Keisha’s boyfriend ’cause he lost his mind and was on the lawn at 4 am threatening to break the door down) because it’s “none of their business” or “[So and so] shouldn’t have been so hard-headed or she would have never gotten herself into this mess”, are obviously not ready to be interdependent and should be avoided like the plague.
  • They constantly erode your confidence/self-worth. If your relationship sounds a lot like Domestic Violence Part 1/Part 2, get out now. That shit does not improve.

Is this you?

I love this song.


  • They snatch you up like you stole something. On a serious note, if your guy/girl gets in your face like they wanna go to blows, they may have a little Mike Tyson in them and you should remove yourself from that situation immediately.

* Other than the “O” face

** Or whoever your recognized spiritual deity may be, if you have one…

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~ by Deviant on April 26, 2008.

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