“Bad Kitty” (c) Eric Cartman

I had no idea there was such a thing as bad pussy.

I mean really. Knock me over the head and call me Daffy. I didn’t think it was possible. I mean sure it can’t all be Grrreat!* but BAD?!

Is it me or is should the phrase, “like sandpaper”, never be used in reference to the goodies?

Some girls can’t get wet or they don’t get wet enough. You shouldn’t have to keep using lube. I know this cause I deal with girls that have never needed lube. First thought in my (and your) head would be maybe I ain’t doin something right but when she herself says “I just don’t get wet” and says “get the lube I need that”…sandpaper. If its me, why are your legs open for me? I can go find a chick with a nice moist pussy that will work hard for me and you can go make yourself some ramen noodles and read a book or whatever. Use your time wisely.

And imagine my stupefaction** when I hear that there is also such a thing a ugly titties. “Banana titties”??? There really is such a thing. I googled it. There were pictures.

Its an abomination, yes but all tiddies are not pretty. I was shocked the first time i saw what looked like malnourished tiddies on what looked to be a perfectly healthy, beautiful girl. I guess she thought the mere act of baring her chesticles would be enough to satisfy but she was mistaken, The mere sight made my dick soft. I recovered within minutes and still beat it up but It was one of the biggest dissapointments of my life. The thing is I could not tell her this cause I knew it would cripple her belief structure and the reality that she existed in. I did not think her mind was strong enough to handle it. It made me think..how many women out there live with the delusion that their melons are the stuff of legend when in fact the mere sight makes men cry inside.

This brings to light a common misconception on the part of the female…

Just because you got the goods doesn’t make them… well, good.

There are those that think the mere offering of pussy is all that needs to be done. The responsibility is on the male to make the magic happen. These girls are called dead fish and they can all run in traffic. They get the two minute drill and their sister can get a facial. Not saying I can’t handle mines but it’s more fun for all involved when there is equal participation on both sides. Also, I don’t mind taking the lead, but I am less likely to fuck your best friend if you take the intiative every now and then. The most beautiful thing in the world is when I’m relaxing reading “The Metamorphosis” and a female just starts forcing herself upon me. I may act like I’m being violated but at that moment a bust is being prepared for you in my Hall of Fame.

And after hearing some of the horrible things that might be wrong with the ladybits, I gotta say… Damn. I didn’t know guys had it so hard. It’s like even when you know what your getting, you really don’t know what you’re getting. And then you can’t really say anything because, shit… you’re fucking.

I won’t even get into bad head (Now this I understand.)

It puts you in the awkward position of having to “tough it out”.*** And in the words of Mays Gilliam, “That ain’t right.” I feel for you.





* Or so I’ve been told…

** I just wanted to use a big word.

*** Is this the male equivalent of just laying there?


~ by Deviant on May 3, 2008.

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