Man Laws Pt 31

31. No going through your girls phone to see who is text messaging or calling her

This is what we call… a bitch move. It’s something even females shouldn’t do.

thats why its called Man Law

Does this mean some men are bitches?

They are not men

They have dicks.

they are non-functional

32. If you find out your girl is cheating with another guy, no calling the other guy to tell him to stop fucking with your girl because at that point she should not be your girl anymore

Bitch move #2… This is an ostentatious display of weakness. Which is most likely why you are sans girl in the first place.

33. If your woman is cheating on you, you cannot approach the other man; you must deal with your woman

This is applicable for both genders.

34. It is your obligation to set the standards of how LOW you’re willing to stoop as a wing man. If no such limit has been set ahead of time, you must accept the straggler, regardless of how she looks

Straggler just sounds bad. Like some chick with “eclectic teeth” and Macy Gray hair.

Thats why you have to set ground rules beforehand so you don’t have to bone a hunchback wtih elephant legs


35. It is unlawful to turn your back on another man when his is in a tough situation

Define tough situation.

if you don’t bone the hunchback with elephant legs your boy won’t get to bone the hot chick.

Sucks for him. I don’t see how this is beneficial for you.

Its not. Thats one of those aforementioned Actions of Honor

What’s honorable about boning a hunchback with cankles? Huh? You should hang your head in shame…

You are helping out a friend. Its called taking one for the team

Taking one for the team should not jeopardize your solo career.

36. When a new gadget has been purchased, never read the directions. Just open it and figure it out on your own

Right… You’ll fuck your [insert gadget] up

a Man won’t fuck up a gadget. You think I read the directions to this computer? I just started hooking stuff up.

Uh huh… I wouldn’t classify a computer as a gadget. Gadgets are small/handheld.

Then you most definitely don’t need directions, Do you read directions for an iPod?

Yes and I haven’t fucked up yet.

Men don’t read directions. You don’t need directions to work an iPod.*

Good luck turning it on…

37. Never tuck your shirt in unless it is required for work, you have a nice belt buckle that you want to show off, or you are attending one of the following events: weddings, job interviews, court, funerals, or formal dinners.

Tucked shirts are for Metros.


38. It’s never okay to say you look like another man

So “I’m a poor man’s [hot male celebrity]” is out, huh?

Just kick him in the balls it feels better

I didn’t think there was ever a good reason to kick a man in the balls.

Didn’t say there was a good reason

39. Men do not sit up straight with perfect posture, we slouch

Is that wise, Quasimodo?

have you ever seen me sit up straight?




Special circumstances

Uh huh.

40. Men should not type more than 20 words per minute unless your job is computer related or you work for a publication

Two-finger tap it is.

I work with computers so I’m good to type with 2 hands.


~ by Deviant on May 3, 2008.

4 Responses to “Man Laws Pt 31”

  1. This is hilarious. I may have broken just about everyone of these rules. I wish someone had told me about #34. *I still have nightmares*

    I also prefer to wear my shirts tucked in. But I have been accused of metrosexuality. 😦

  2. Man Law #41 Men should not use yellow smiley/frowning faces to convey emotion.

    *Something about using those doesn’t exude masculinity. So, let’s act like i didn’t just do it.

  3. HAAAAA damn! he even got you on your responses!

    I was surprised at #34, as an occasional “wing woman” I have been hooked up w/ Dr Seuss’s less attractive, unemployed play cousin…”I will not do it on a boat…I will not do it with a goat..”

  4. why were you surprised at 34?
    who got who?

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