Don’t Forget To Climax…*

Today, I wanna know why every time I check my email I’m getting an eyeful of why I need a bigger penis.

One, I don’t have a penis (And, no you can’t check for yourself. Just trust that I have the very antithesis of a penis. I have witnesses.—I digress) and two, if I did have a penis there is no way my ego would allow me to believe it needed improvement. I’m really just tired of seeing these junk emails for these penis enlargement medications. I feel it’s unnecessary. I know you may be thinking, that’s not me and it’s probably not but its enough of somebody cause they are peddling the shit at Wal-Mart now. (Finish reading before you put your coat on.) I’m just saying.

But seriously, I bet right now I can find at least 10 messages that escaped my junk folder (thanks Yahoo, great job there) offering me one of several different drugs to elongate my non-existent schlong.

Guys, is it really that deep? Do you really need a bigger dick than the one you currently have. Cause truthfully you might not even be using that one correctly. Let’s face it, a big dick is only making up for in probability that which you could do with skill. The pussy is not that hard to please. Most guys just start at the wrong end and then aim for the back of the bus.


Don’t ever get them confused. That’s not sexy. If your are going for the big O, do yourself a favor, go slow and aim up. You don’t need a 13 in. cock to do that. All the good action is closer to the front anyway because that’s where most of the nerve endings are. (Don’t believe me? I don’t know why you wouldn’t. Just by having one I’m a certified expert.) Google it if you have to. Sad to say but by doing so you’ll probably learn more than most females know about the kitty. Which reminds me…


Stop being prudish and spend some alone time with your va-jay-jay??? (Thanks, Oprah for making the very thing that makes us women more of a joke than it already was…) I’m serious though. If you’ve never looked at it, let alone touch it aside from bathing, something is very wrong. You need to let go of whatever inhibitions you have about your sexuality and go play. Cause if you don’t know what you like, how can you fault a man for not giving it to you? And you’ll always fall prey to some big dick attached to an asshole who still probably ain’t doing it right!

I’m just trying to help you, people. Granted I can only speak on behalf of myself and Miss Kitty (Yes.) but I’m pretty sure I’m not too far off.

* The subject of an actual spam message about penis enlargement. As if anyone actually wakes up the next morning muttering “Shit! I forgot to come!”


~ by Deviant on May 23, 2008.

3 Responses to “Don’t Forget To Climax…*”

  1. I am really confused about the whole penis size thing. Do women like or hate big penises. I have only experienced the former but in conversation so many women say that it is not a deal breaker. And some even go so far to say that the small penis is best. I just don’t get it.

  2. D*

    -The only thing I can truthfully say is that women like penises. Even the ones who don’t like men all that much…

  3. honestly, when its too big, it hurts. it stretches the pathway all longer than it has to be and more often than not, sex for too long gets dry the bigger it is. and, one of my girls told me that though shes one of those girls that can come mechanically (stroke stroke squirt), sometimes when its too big she cant come because theres.. no.. “room.” Thick cock, however. all girls love that thick.

    Deviant.. “go slow and aim up” made me twitch inside. I agree fellas.. Thats the ticket, yum.

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